For 25 years, I lived in a constant state of fight or flight. I didn’t even realize it at the time—I was just surviving. The stress of juggling multiple priorities and trying to do it all, including advocacy for my children, managing life’s unexpected turns, and constantly putting everyone else’s needs ahead of my own kept my nervous system stuck in overdrive. My body adapted to this heightened state of stress, but over time, it began to take its toll.
I could feel it in the way my body held tension, in the exhaustion that no amount of sleep could cure, in the tightness in my chest that never seemed to go away. I was running on cortisol, my body’s built-in alarm system, and I had no idea how to turn it off.
The Toll on My Body
What I didn’t realize at the time was how much this chronic stress was impacting my body. Being in a prolonged fight-or-flight state took a serious toll on my health.
Weight gain – No matter what I did, my body held onto weight because it was constantly in survival mode.
Mental health struggles – Anxiety, overwhelm, and moments of deep exhaustion became my norm.
Inflammation – My body felt sore, inflamed, and uncomfortable more often than not.
Thyroid issues – My body’s ability to regulate energy, metabolism, and hormones felt completely off balance.
Brain fog – Focusing was hard, remembering things was even harder, and I constantly felt mentally scattered.
Lack of energy – No matter how much I rested, I felt drained, making even the simplest tasks feel overwhelming.
Struggles in relationships – When I was constantly stressed and exhausted, it impacted my ability to show up fully for the people in my life. I wasn’t as present, patient, or engaged.
Disruptions in daily life – My exhaustion and brain fog made it harder to keep up with everything, leaving me feeling behind and overwhelmed.
I thought this was just how life was. That this was normal. But I know now—it wasn’t. My body was screaming at me to slow down and heal.
The Journey to Healing
Healing wasn’t instant. It wasn’t a quick fix or a magic pill. It was a slow, intentional process of learning how to regulate my nervous system and nurture my body in a way I never had before. Here’s how I did it:
1. Managing My Cortisol Levels
The first step was understanding how my body was reacting to stress and what I could do to support it. I started taking supplements that helped regulate my cortisol levels, giving my body the tools it needed to recover. I researched adaptogens, magnesium, and other natural ways to bring balance back into my system.
2. Prioritizing Stress Management
I used to think I had to be productive every moment of the day. Rest felt like a luxury I couldn't afford. But I realized that in order to heal, I needed to make stress management a priority. I started practicing breathwork, restorative yoga, journaling, and movement—not as a means to push my body harder but as a way to reconnect with myself.
3. Focusing on Healing
True healing meant looking at my emotions, my past, and the way I carried stress in my body. I explored energy healing, Reiki, and somatic practices. I worked through stored trauma and found ways to release the weight I had been carrying for so long.
4. Learning to Say No and Prioritizing What Matters
One of the biggest lessons I had to learn was that I couldn’t do everything—and I didn’t have to. I had spent so much of my life saying yes to everything, stretching myself thin, and trying to meet everyone’s expectations. But I realized that in order to truly heal, I had to protect my time, energy, and well-being.
I started asking myself: Is this really important to me? Does this align with my values? Is this something I truly want to do? If the answer was no, I gave myself permission to say no—without guilt. Prioritizing what really mattered allowed me to focus on what brought me joy, fulfillment, and peace.
5. Practicing Gratitude for Even the Smallest Joys
When life is overwhelming, it’s easy to focus on what’s hard, what’s missing, and what’s unfair. But I made a conscious decision to shift my perspective. Every day, I tried to find something to be grateful for—the warmth of the sun on my face, the laughter of my children, a moment of peace with my morning coffee. Bergen and I even created a nightly gratitude practice to remind ourselves of the good in each day. Check out my gratitude blog to learn more my practice.
6. Being Kind to Myself
For most of my life, I was my own harshest critic. I pushed myself beyond my limits, never feeling like I was doing enough. But healing required a different approach. I had to learn how to give myself grace. To speak to myself with kindness. To let go of perfection and embrace the messy, beautiful process of growth.
7. Learning to Love Myself
This was perhaps the hardest and most important part. Learning to love myself meant accepting all of me—the strong parts, the broken parts, the evolving parts. It meant recognizing that I am worthy of love, rest, and joy, not because of what I do but because of who I am.
The Transformation: Living Life in Flow
Recently, I’ve noticed such a change in myself. I am calm. I love my life. I am able to problem-solve and multitask more effectively, without feeling overwhelmed. My brain fog has lifted, and I feel more engaged and focused. That clarity alone has led to increased happiness.
I can now see things for what they are—I recognize what I can and can’t control, and I don’t waste energy on the things outside of my power. I move through my day with a sense of ease and purpose that I never had before. I guess you could say my life is more “in flow.”
That doesn’t mean every day is perfect. I still have bad days. I still experience stress and challenges. But the difference is, I know how to navigate them now. I don’t feel stuck in survival mode. My body and mind are more resilient, and when setbacks happen, I recover so much faster. Things aren’t perfect—but they are so much better.
A New Way of Being
Now, I can feel the difference. My body no longer lives in a constant state of stress. I know what peace feels like, and I protect it. I have boundaries. I listen to my intuition. I allow myself to rest. I trust that I am safe.
If you’re stuck in fight or flight, know that healing is possible. It takes time, patience, and a commitment to yourself, but you don’t have to live in survival mode forever. You are worthy of rest. You are worthy of joy. You are worthy of healing.
And most of all, you are worthy of love—starting with the love you give yourself.
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