Some days I’m not ok. Yesterday was one of those days. I found that multiple things going on in my life right now activated a trauma response - my PTSD. I’m ok today but I am sharing because I want others to know that it’s ok to say you aren’t ok. It’s ok to not be ok all the time.
Some of you may know - I was bulimic 30 years ago, in college. After a lot of therapy, I recovered and I haven’t had an episode for 30 years. But yesterday, life swept me up and my life felt out of control. Bulimia, for me, is all about control. I found myself at the grocery store, buying Lucky Charms cereal (my binge food). Later that evening, after staring at the box of cereal for a few hours, I cracked it open and began eating. Somehow though, in this darkness, I was able to call on my support system and got help so I could break the cycle.
Today I feel better. Most of the fog has cleared and I am resting - trying to give myself grace and practice self-love. I am proud of myself. Instead of feeling shame for starting down that path again yesterday, I am proud of how I handled it and for where I am at today. Yesterday I was ashamed because I thought to myself “How can my life be so good and yet, I am feeling out of control like I haven’t felt in 30 years?”. But, what I decided is that it’s because I am not numb anymore. I am feeling all the feelings that I am supposed to feel. Those feelings are sometimes hard to process but what comes out of feeling sadness and overwhelm, is joy and peace. These challenges help me to be grateful for what I have and how far I’ve come.
So, just know that if you have had days like this, you aren’t alone. I get it. Life can throw curve balls and sometimes it’s hard to deal with what is being thrown at us. But, you can come out stronger. Ask for help (something I hate doing - I’m working on that)!
This is a big week for me. My book will be published next week. The kids and I are moving right after that. I got my first shingles vaccine which has me not feeling fully myself (I feel so old). And, I am an empath and many people around me this week have been struggling - and I feel all of this.
I have so much to be grateful for. Thank you to those of you who are my support system. I’m proud to post this, even though some of you may judge me for not having a perfect life. But, that’s ok. My life is messy but it’s amazing. It’s perfect for me.
I’m here for anyone who needs support any time. Have a great rest of your week! Thanks for reading!
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