Learning to Belong to Myself

Letting Go of Old Definitions

I stood in front of the mirror, feeling a mixture of excitement and nerves. Cutting my hair felt like more than just a new style. It felt like letting go of something that had been weighing me down, a chance to start fresh. It was a little scary, but also freeing. And most importantly, it was my choice.

When I looked into the mirror afterward, my own reflection felt unfamiliar. It felt naked. Vulnerable. As if the person looking back at me was someone I hadn’t yet met but had always been waiting to see. Because this was more than a haircut. It was a reckoning. A declaration that I get to define who I am and what makes me beautiful.

Redefining Beauty On My Own Terms

It’s terrifying, isn’t it? To take away the things you once hid behind and expose something raw, vulnerable, and so undeniably real.

I cut my hair. It’s short, a bit bold, asymmetrical. And the truth is, it’s a little scary to look in the mirror and not see the safety net I once had—the long hair that framed my face just so, the polished, perfectly feminine image I spent years cultivating to feel accepted, admired, respected.

I used to believe that femininity had to look a certain way. That respect was earned by fitting into a mold defined by others. That beauty was something given, not something I could claim for myself. Long hair, pretty outfits, compliments from people who only ever saw the surface—I fed on those crumbs of validation, convincing myself they were enough.

Breaking the Rules and Starting Fresh

But what happens when you take it all away? When you can’t rely on the familiar standards of beauty to say, "Yes, I am worthy"? When you’re not playing by the rules you were given, but instead rewriting them as you go?

It feels like being stripped down to nothing. Like I’ve taken sandpaper to my own reflection, erasing the parts that were never really me. It’s both terrifying and liberating.

Now, I have to find confidence on my own. Not from someone saying my hair is pretty or my dress is flattering. Not from fitting into the societal definition of femininity. I have to decide for myself what beauty looks like, what femininity feels like, and what strength truly means to me.

Curating My Own Identity

This shift is hard. It's lonely. It feels like starting over with a blank slate—one I get to curate entirely on my own terms. And for the first time, I’m allowing myself to claim what I want.

I am redefining femininity for myself. Not in opposition to something, but in alignment with who I am. I am learning to look in the mirror and see someone who belongs. Not because of how she fits into the world’s standards, but because of how she fits into her own.

Embracing Authenticity

Now, there is nothing to hide behind. No carefully styled hair, no outward presentation to mask my insecurities or fit into someone else’s expectations. I have to love myself as I am. I have to find my confidence from within. It feels terrifying, but also like a kind of freedom I’ve been searching for my entire life.

My word for 2025 is "Becoming." And this—cutting my hair, letting go of everything that was holding me back, standing in front of the mirror with nothing to hide behind—is part of that journey. I am not there yet, but I am on my way. I am becoming.

This journey is messy and new and unpredictable. And I am not all the way there yet. But for once, the rules are mine to write. And that freedom? It’s worth everything.

Because real beauty isn’t about fitting in. It’s about stripping away what no longer fits. It’s about learning to belong to myself. It’s about stepping into who I truly am, and letting that be enough. And for the first time, I’m finally ready to do just that.