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Not Shy, Not Anxious: How I Found My True Identity

Writer's picture: Lanya McKittrickLanya McKittrick

Updated: Jan 16



For most of my life, I thought I was shy and anxious. That’s what people told me over and over again, and I eventually accepted it as fact. I wore those labels like ill-fitting clothes, never quite comfortable but not knowing anything else. Along with that came shame. Why couldn’t I be more outgoing? Why did I feel so on edge all the time? These questions lingered in my mind, but I never had answers—until now.


What I’ve come to realize is that not only did others misunderstand me, but I also misunderstood myself. It’s been a long journey to peel back the layers of those misconceptions and see who I truly am. And here’s what I’ve discovered: I’m not shy or anxious. I’m a highly sensitive person, an empath, and a healer.


When I’m quiet, it’s not because I’m afraid to speak or unsure of myself. It’s because I’m observing, thinking, and feeling. I’m taking in the energy around me, reading unspoken words, and interpreting emotions that others might not even notice. This sensitivity is not a weakness; it’s a gift.


Unpacking Anxiety

As for anxiety, that’s been a lifelong battle—or so I thought. I’ve tried everything to manage it: exercise, therapy, medications. Some things helped a little, but nothing ever brought lasting relief. It felt like I was living in fight-or-flight mode for 30 years or more.


But now, with a deeper connection to my mind, body, and spirit, I see things differently. What I thought were anxiety attacks weren’t anxiety at all. I’ve come to understand them as an Energetic Alignment Response: a bodily response that indicates misalignment with my intuition or purpose. These episodes come with nausea, a racing heart, and trouble breathing. At times, it felt like PTSD - they can be intense and awful. I wish I had a more catchy label for it - but I am trying to no longer label it as "anxiety" or a "panic attack" because it's different.


Now, I see them for what they are: guidance for me on which path to take or intuition. When I don’t act in my best interest or fail to listen to my gut, these physical sensations appear to guide me back to my truth. It’s as if my body is saying, “Stop. Pay attention. You’re not aligned with your best life course.” Realizing this has been nothing short of life-changing.


Embracing My Gifts

At age 53, I finally understand myself in a way I never have before. My life makes sense now. Instead of feeling ashamed for being different, I’m learning to celebrate my uniqueness. I’m an empath and a healer, someone who feels deeply and has the ability to help others through my sensitivity.


For years, I hid this part of myself. I thought people might misunderstand me or shun me for being different. But now, I see that being different is what makes me special. It’s what allows me to connect with others in profound ways. It’s what enables me to bring light into the lives of those around me.


I’ve decided that I’m not hiding anymore. If people don’t accept me for who I am, that’s okay. I know who I am, and I’m proud of it. I’m a healer, and I do good in this world. That’s enough for me.


Moving Forward

If you’ve ever felt misunderstood—by others or even by yourself—I hope my story resonates with you. It’s never too late to uncover the truth about who you are and to embrace the gifts that make you unique. For me, this journey has been about shedding shame, reconnecting with my inner self, and stepping into my power.


I’m not shy. I’m not anxious. I’m sensitive, intuitive, and compassionate. And now, I’m unapologetically myself. If you’re on a similar path of self-discovery, know that you’re not alone. Your gifts, whatever they may be, are needed in this world. Embrace them. Share them. And most importantly, honor who you are.


Here’s to living authentically and unapologetically—because being different is not just okay; it’s extraordinary.


Take the First Step

So, what about you? Have you ever felt misunderstood or labeled in ways that don’t align with who you truly are? I encourage you to take a moment to listen to your inner voice. What is it telling you about your unique gifts and purpose? Embrace those parts of yourself, even if they seem different or unconventional. They’re what make you who you are - and extraordinary.


What has your journey of self-discovery been like? Feel free to reach out—because when we share our truths, we inspire others to do the same. Let’s celebrate the beauty of living authentically, together.

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